you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
