Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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