the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize