I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
