just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
