Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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