anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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