i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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