i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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