OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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