Please, let me fuck your mom
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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