Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize