Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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