if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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