You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
