Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
