i just wanna soil my oats bro
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
