The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
