please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
