It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
