doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
youre lurking in front of me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
