your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
