Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
