Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
