guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
