Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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