I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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