$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
