Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
