This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
