Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
