Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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