im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
