feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I should be sponsored by Trojan
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sober January is a disaster.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Randomize
