Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
