it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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