Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
