Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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