Dude my mom stole all your condoms
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize