Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
