I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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