I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
