Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
