The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
