i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
