Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
