The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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