what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
