No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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