Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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