she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize