i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
this is an emotional support booty call
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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