Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize