I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
