KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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