ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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