tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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