do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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