you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
