We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize