I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
