the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
