I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
