I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
