Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
