The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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