I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize