He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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