that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
