okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
