never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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