No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
